So, it has been approximately 24 hours since I published my first ever blog post, and wow – what a truly humbling and empowering experience it has been. My blog has been read by nearly 600 people from all over the world and I wanted to thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.
I have had countless emails and messages from both friends and strangers who have reached out to me after reading my initial blog post who have expressed their gratitude and after sharing their own story with me have said they feel like a weight has been shifted within them. Because of this I have decided to write my second blog post about the power of sharing.
It seems that somehow we still live in a society where we are made to feel as though we can only grieve for a certain length of time, or that if we are experiencing something as personal as a loss of a pregnancy we should keep this to ourselves and not inflict it on others who perhaps can’t understand why you are grieving for something that to them is not a physical being. In the past 24 hours I have had so many people tell me that they either feel like a fraud for grieving, or that because some time has past since the actual event they feel they can no longer express that they are still grieving. I want to take this opportunity to remind you that you must not feel like a fraud, or even like you can’t grieve the loss you are experiencing right now. A loss is still a loss, and you need to take as much time as your heart, body and soul need. At the end of the day we are still grieving, even if it is for someone that nobody else has met, we met them, in our mind and in our heart we knew them. Even if others didn’t. Therefore, surely, we still go through the same stages of grief that you would go through if you were to lose a family member or friend. You’re still grieving the loss of a child, the loss of your hopes and dreams, and in some cases you are also grieving the loss of all or part of your fertility. Therefore, even if your loss isn’t physical for everyone else to see, it is still as real in our hearts.
It has been clear to me in the past 24 hours that there is an unspoken magic of sharing your experiences, emotions and hangups and I want to encourage everyone feeling trapped inside their mind filled with the whirlwind of emotions of grief to please please please share their experiences. From a very early age we are exposed to the powerful words of “once upon a time”, which in most cases ends with a “and they lived happily ever after”. Just because you have not reached your happy ever after, does not mean your story is not as powerful as one that has reached it’s positive finale. In fact, lets face it, we are all waiting for our happy ever after in one way or another. I recently watched a wonderful TedTalk by Dominic Colenso called “The Power of Telling Your Story” which explains that since the beginning of time we have been sharing stories, and the latest science tells us that when we hear another’s story our bodies release the chemical oxytocin. We instantly start to form a connection with the person who’s story we are listening to, stories bind us together and help us make sense of our own experiences. This is my exact purpose of writing my blog, I want to encourage you to embrace your own story – I am almost certain it will help you along on your personal grieving journey. We live in a society where we share only a selected highlights of events, we proclaim to the world that our lives are simply fantastic. We dismiss the nitty gritty of our lives as uninteresting, irrelevant or embarrassing, when actually it is the complete opposite – by sharing your story you can help yourself and others. Others you wouldn’t have even known had experienced anything close to how you are feeling – and before you know it, that loneliness disperses and you have an instant connection with someone who knows exactly how you feel.
If you don’t feel ready to share with your friends, or with the world, maybe try and write them down just for yourself. In all honesty – that is how this blog started. It may seem so difficult to put into words how you are feeling, but I promise you, once you start you won’t be able to stop, and the relief you will feel will be unfathomable. If you don’t want to write a memoir you could maybe write a letter to your angel or lost one, there is a real power in writing “not to send letters” – trust me!
I promise you, if you can find the strength to share your raw emotions either in a private memoir, or with the world – it will feel like the biggest weight of your shoulders.
You are not alone, you are allowed to grieve, and you must not let anyone let you feel otherwise.